National Family Caregivers Month

by Pamela Piering, Director of ADS

National Family Caregivers Month, sponsored by the National Family Caregivers Association, will be celebrated in November to draw attention to the many challenges facing family caregivers, advocate for stronger public policy to address family caregiving issues, and raise awareness about community programs that support family caregivers.

Caring for Someone Who Needs Your Help

You are a caregiver if you provide social or physical support to an aging relative or friend, or to a person who is disabled. Caregivers may make weekly visits to a sick mother still living on her own. They may bring a frail father into their home for care. Or they may arrange for services for a relative who lives hundreds of miles away. Family members provide the majority of in-home services to our older generation.

What caregivers share in common is the fact that they take time and energy from their lives to care for someone who needs their help.

Reactions to Being a Caregiver

Caring for someone else on a regular basis has its ups and downs. Naturally, there are the positive feelings associated with helping others. If you're caring for your mother, father, or spouse, there is the satisfaction of knowing you are, in some way, returning the support they once provided you. But caring for someone else can have its drawbacks, too. Most caregivers experience some of these feelings:

• A feeling of isolation... of being alone with a huge responsibility.
• Worry or doubt about the quality of care you are providing.
• Guilt that you are not doing enough.
• Resentment toward the person you are caring for.
• Anger at the lack of time you have for yourself and your family.
• Frustration that this is not what you had planned for yourself at this time in your life.
• Fear about how much longer you can keep this up, given all of the other demands on your time.
• Confusion about where to turn for help.
• A sense of loss because the person you love has changed so much.
• Physical fatigue.

Any of these responses, either alone or in combination, can lead to a sense of being overwhelmed. This is both common and understandable. The important thing is to monitor yourself and be alert to signs of caregiver exhaustion:

• Feeling drained of time and energy.
• Loss of sleep.
• Bottled up feelings of anger/hostility.
• Feeling trapped.
• Being reluctant to seek outside help.
• Being focused excessively on caregiving.

Taking Care of Yourself 
 
There are steps you can take to avoid or reverse these responses to caregiving. Remember: taking care of yourself is part of taking care of the person who depends on you. Try some of these ideas drawn from the experiences of many caregivers like yourself:

Share Decision-Making. As long as the person you are caring for is able, involve them in the decisions that go along with their care; try to make them an active partner. It will help them retain a sense of independence, while taking some of the burden off of you.

Remember Your Needs. You need time to get away from your role as caregiver, to relax and to get additional support. Yes, these needs may create feelings of conflict or guilt, but again, remember: you are taking care of the person who needs you by taking care of yourself.

Anticipate Needs. The earlier you discuss needs, the more time you have to explore possibilities. Then you will feel better about the choices you need to make in the future.

Understand What You Are Dealing With. Gather information about the specific disease or conditions of your relative or friend. The more you know, the better you'll be able to plan for the future (including a back-up plan if something were to happen to you.)

Involve Others. Ask other family members and friends for help. People usually are willing and pleased to be asked; they just may not volunteer. Consider using a family meeting to brainstorm ideas and to see how to share responsibilities.

Talk. Share with someone outside the family your reactions to caregiving. Use a friend who isn't so close to the situation as a sounding-board.

Be Flexible. Just when you think you are in control, something will change. Being thrown off balance is frustrating; try to be ready for change.

For more information on National Family Caregivers Month, visit the National Family Caregivers Association website. The site also offers many other activities and resources for the more than 50 million Americans who care for a chronically ill, aged or disabled loved one. 

Read on to the next article, Help Is Available, to find out about some of the resources that are available to family caregivers in the community!